


Two

by amusingautumn02



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Play Caregiver Bang Chan, Age Play Little Han Jisung | Han, Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Little Space, Non-Sexual Age Play, agere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26191264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amusingautumn02/pseuds/amusingautumn02
Summary: "The night sky was something that grounded Chan significantly. He often would tiptoe out of his dorm bedroom to sit out here when everything got too much, just staring at that skylight in the ceiling. He’d count the stars he could see in the little section of sky, try to decide what shapes the constellations made, then make a wish. Often the wish dealt with whatever he was struggling most with at the moment. Sometimes it was for the health of the members, for a strong comeback season, for his own deepest desires. Chan had always felt an obligation to care for Jisung, if he was being perfectly honest with himself. He looked up at the stars now, making a silent prayer for Jisung’s strength and happiness."After Jisung confides in Chan about a coping mechanism for his anxiety, Chan offers to help him figure things out. In doing so, both boys test the waters, unlocking a new part of their lives.title based on Two by Sleeping at Last.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han
Comments: 27
Kudos: 204





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who is new to age regression, I want to clarify as always that it is completely separate from ageplay – it is safe for work and a coping mechanism and not something to be taken sexually no matter how you might view it. So please refrain from commenting on any ideas or words you might view in a sexual context – they are used within the agere community as completely sfw. 
> 
> And just letting you all know there is gonna be a mild amount of negative self talk surrounding agere mostly just in this chapter - if you’re a regressor reading know that it is a perfectly valid coping mechanism, I just wanted to capture the growth of Jisung as a little and this is how I have established it, please know that your regression is absolutely okay and not anything to be ashamed of, okay? 
> 
> now on with the fic! hope you enjoy, please leave feedback <3

Jisung lay wrapped in a thick fleece blanket on Chan’s bed, his mouth making soft wheezing breaths every now and again while he slept. His deep brown hair fell across his forehead; curling towards his eyes. Chan brushed these pieces of his fringe back off his face, letting out a small sigh synchronised with Jisung’s faint snoring. He had immediately fallen asleep as soon as Chan had put him into bed. He had decided that instead of disturbing Jisung’s roommate Jeongin and making the situation a bigger ordeal than it was already, he would let him crash in his own bedroom. He sat quietly at his desk, deciding to wait until Jisung woke up of his own accord.

Chan knew he had to ask Jisung what was wrong. Even if he couldn’t get the words out about how he felt, maybe Chan could ask about how he could help him. His anxiety seemed to be so much stronger lately – Chan had noticed in dance practice his movements growing less strong and more uncertain, in writing sessions his thoughts frantic and some place else. He didn’t know if the other members had been as observant as himself, but Chan had noticed it building up and engulfing him over the weeks. Until today, where Chan had witnessed his breakdown. He looked over at Jisung who even in sleep wore a frown, as if he too were thinking over the exhausting events of the day.

_“Oh Jisung, baby, please don’t cry…” Chan murmured, as he wrapped his arms around the boy’s crouching figure softly. Hesitantly, he rubbed Jisung’s back, comforting him as gently as he could. Jisung let out a bigger sob, and Chan winced. Desperately, he passed Jisung a small stuffed animal that Jisung had slept with since he was 5; a comfort item that he treasured dearly._

_Jisung took the plushie, holding it tightly in his arms. He felt it shift inside him; his heart beat so fast and loud inside his head. It was all just so warm – Chan’s arms around him, his soft voice, the stuffed animal he was clinging too. Everything was warm. Even in the chilly Seoul winter, Jisung grew warm from the inside out._

_“I’m not gonna do it.” He shook his head, shutting his eyes as more wet tears leaked down his cheeks._

_“Do what, Sungie?” Chan scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “Cry?”_

_“Do-Don’t worry,” Jisung sobbed, and Chan seemed like he didn’t know what else to do but hold his shaking body closer._

Jisung’s breathing grew shallower, and Chan looked up to see him stirring. He glanced at his surroundings through his sleepy, half shut eyes before exhaling and relaxing again. But he was awake now, and the fact that Chan had sat and watched him sleep must have made him uncomfortable.

“Why are you just sitting there, hyung?” He mumbled softly, his voice slightly croaky and eyes still adjusting to the light. Chan shifted in his seat.

“I just wanted to ask about… earlier.” He glanced at the floor. “If you don’t mind. I just… I want to be able to help you, Sungie. I hate-” Chan stopped himself. No, he had to let Jisung speak. If he divulged too many of his worries he might scare Jisung or even make him feel guilty for making Chan agonise over him.

Jisung had sat up now, beginning to fiddle with the tassels on the blanket absentmindedly. It was a long minute of silence, and just as Chan began to say “It’s fine-” Jisung got up and walked right into Chan’s arms. The two hugged tightly, both relishing in the comfort they gained from each other’s presence. Stepping back, Jisung let out a shaky breath.

“I’ll tell you, but I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this,” Jisung shook his head, laughing with a note of panic in his voice. Jisung started slowly, as if he was searching for the exact phrase to say.

“So there’s different coping mechanisms for anxiety, right? Or really for any sort of negative ways of thinking.”

“Right.”

“It’s really stupid. God, why am I telling you this? Okay, okay,” His voice shakes a little, and Chan begins to fear he’s about to witness another panic attack. But he watches Jisung compose himself, his posture straightening back up and his eyes narrowing as if he was forcing himself to not panic.

“I got into a really weird state of mind a few weeks ago. It’s something I’ve kinda felt before but this time was so noticeable that when I realised how weird I was being, I tried to work out what it meant. I found this article. It was about something called age regression,” Chan didn’t know the term, but he attempted to think about what it could mean as he dissected the two words. Jisung seemed hesitant to continue, but now he had opened up, he couldn’t go back. There would be too many questions that Chan would ask.

“And I don’t know, it’s so stupid and I’m probably just overthinking it. Earlier I was just so anxious and then I began to feel… like that. The same way I was when I was falling into that state of mind. And it scares me because it’s not something that normal people do, it’s so… But I read that site and it just seemed to fit. Like a puzzle piece or something.”

“Hey, that’s okay.” Chan squeezed Jisung into another hug. “Thanks for telling me, hey?” Jisung nodded, but still shifted uncomfortably.

“So what exactly is it? Age regression or this feeling you’re having? Is it a good feeling?”

“It’s this thing that the brain does to cope with overwhelming negative emotions, at least the kind I read about. It’s where the brain reverts to a younger state of mind, I guess, and then because you’re in such a pure and naïve state it tries to protect you from those anxious feelings.”

Chan listened intently, but he still didn’t quite know what to say. “That sounds okay right? If it’s protecting you from those thoughts and helping you calm down it’s a good thing isn’t it?”

Jisung sighed, beginning to fiddle with the sleeves of his hoodie. “I guess, hyung, but I just… I think people will think it’s super uncomfortable and weird or just something I do for attention. Plus I can hold the feeling off if I try to, so I think it’s best if I try to ignore it because it’s so strange, you know? I would consider music to be my coping mechanism so it’s not like I can’t destress at all. I was planning on doing that anyways. Don’t know why I told you about it in the first place.”

Chan bit his lip, frowning and looking at Jisung who despite his long nap, still looked fatigued and extremely run down. He didn’t exactly know what this regression thing entailed, or even if it was something good, but he had to try to comfort Jisung in some way.

“Jisung, if you want to ignore it that’s okay – but only if you truly think it’s what will be best for you. You do know that all 7 of us love you so much, hey? And me personally, I would be more than happy to help you through whatever this is no matter how strange you think it might be. More than anything, I just want to you to be happy and it’s so hard to watch you beat yourself up and get bad like you have been… especially recently.”

Jisung’s shoulders slumped, his expression bashful. “Was it that obvious…” He mumbled quietly, more to himself than anything.

“If it’s not something bad or illegal, this natural feeling is probably healthy?” Chan shrugged slightly. “If it’s something that your brain is doing to keep you from being down on yourself then maybe don’t write it off so easily. You could be opening a door to something that could really help you, even if it’s just alongside music.”

Jisung hesitantly nodded, before melting back into Chan’s arms. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears again, but he spoke into Chan’s jumper a muffled “thank you.” Chan, in understanding, nodded too and hugged Jisung back. He guessed he’d not helped giving Jisung that stuffed toy when he was trying to stop himself from going into that state of mind he was talking about. Jisung had seemed to cry louder, and Chan only now linked that as the reason. Holding Jisung tighter, the two embraced for a good half an hour before Jisung retreated in embarrassment back to his own room.

When he heard Jisung’s distinct footsteps patter past his bedroom door into the kitchen later that evening, Chan approached him carefully. Not wanting to frighten him, he treaded more heavily than usual, coughing softly into his hand so Jisung would turn around. He did, and Chan noticed his face was flushed and his eyes glazed over, looking no better than he was earlier.

“Hey,” Chan spoke delicately, in an attempt to keep the other members from waking as well as making sure he could process his thoughts before he spoke to Jisung. “I did a bit of researching, I guess, on what you were talking about earlier?”

Jisung didn’t look any less uncomfortable.

“Well, I thought about it and tried to come up with a solution. I thought, if you’re comfy, we could stay home tomorrow and while the other guys are out, we could try and see - if you feel like it – if you want to regress? I think that’s the phrase. And if you don’t want to that’s okay too, I just wanted to give you a safe place to actually see if this is something bad or something good and of course if you don’t want me to be there that’s okay too, I can probably get the boys out to do something with me if you’re keen on the idea but want to do it alone-“

“Chan.” Jisung interrupted his rambling, and Chan’s speech faltered. “Yes.” He said rather bluntly, his eyes still droopy from his exhaustion. “I’ll try. And if you truly want to be there, I want you there, even if it’s embarrassing. If I can’t think straight, it would be good to know exactly what happens, so if I decide it’s something bad I can know more about how to stop it.”

Chan exhaled, relieved Jisung hadn’t commented on his excessive rambling. “And if it’s something good, you know how to notice when you should tap into that?”

Jisung suddenly became interested in the kitchen tiles, growing redder than before. He scratched a spot behind his ear. “Yeah, that too.”

“Okay. Love you, Sungie.” Chan said, not at all joking around like he did usually when he said something so blatant. He should say it genuinely more often.


	2. Chapter 2

“Okay Sung, they’re gone, I’ve locked the door in case someone tries to come back. We’re all good, yeah?” Chan sat down next to Jisung on the floor of their living room, sinking into the soft carpet. Jisung’s form was tensed, sitting cross-legged staring at the TV despite the fact there was nothing playing. He looked quite thin in his baggy t-shirt and sweatpants and probably hadn’t eaten much yesterday – if at all. Chan decided he should fix him a meal – but what? If he regressed would he still like the same foods? Could he even eat those foods? What if he started to throw a tantrum like an actual child? Could Chan handle that?

He reassured himself - he could handle it. He’d been the oldest of three siblings, and been told he was a “natural” with kids in his brief interactions with them. It was still Jisung, the same Jisung he knew and cared for, even if he wasn’t quite sure what this all entailed. He had promised Jisung to be there for him, so even if this was the one and only time he let himself enter that state of mind, Chan would do everything to support him. He not only could handle it, but he had to.

“Okay. But what now?” The two sat, looking around at the living room as if Jisung would suddenly and automatically feel that feeling he explained and then they’d be on their way. The silence was awkward, uncomfortable.

“Regress!” Chan laughed a little to ease the tension, tapping Jisung on the head with his hand like a magic wand. Jisung smiled a little, but shook his head. 

“I can’t just magically force it, Chan. It usually just comes when I’m really anxious, and I’ve never fully done it before anyway.”

“Well, I don’t want to make you anxious at all, so let’s not do that. Have you ever felt it when you’re not stressed or anxious? Has it ever been a happier feeling?”

Jisung’s face scrunched up in thought. “Once that I know of since I found out what it meant.”

“Yeah?”

He sighed heavily, looking up at Chan slightly flushed with embarrassment like the night before. “Minho and I were watching a movie last week, and we were cuddling I guess,” Chan did his best not to smile, while Jisung laughed softly as he recalled the moment.

“He started doing silly things like poking my cheek and just playing around; I don’t think he was doing it consciously really. But I picked up on that feeling and it wasn’t when I was anxious like usual. It was when I was the opposite – really comfortable.”

Chan nodded, grinning at the image he still had in his head of Minho poking Jisung’s face as they hugged. “Well,” he reasoned. “I did read some stuff online last night about how to get someone to regress in preparation I guess, and it fits that Minho babying you like that would make you feel that way. And it’s definitely better than it being caused by your anxiety.” 

Jisung simply hummed in response.

“Why don’t we put on a movie and cuddle then? Even if nothing happens, we just get to chill out, which surely is something good for both of our mental health.” Chan laughed, and Jisung seemed to relax a bit. 

“Sounds good to me.”

The two boys decided to sit on the couch, where Chan had Jisung’s stuffed toy from yesterday as well as his warm fleece blanket that would cover them both three times over. Jisung was about to go over to switch the TV on, but Chan had a better idea. He’d read last night: “By making someone feel they are too little to do certain activities, it might help relieve their feelings of responsibility as an adult, and help them slip into their regressed state in a more relaxed manner.”

“It’s okay, Sungie, I’ll do that for you.” Chan strode over to turn it on.

Jisung looked slightly confused by Chan’s eagerness to turn on the television, but sunk into the couch complacently. Chan joined him, taking the remote and putting his arm around Jisung, who relaxed into him immediately. Opening Netflix, he navigated to the family movies and picked something that looked fun and easy to watch. He hit play and looked at Jisung. 

“Want your plushie, Sung?” Chan offered, and Jisung took it without a word. He didn’t say much now, maybe still feeling nervous about being so vulnerable in front of Chan. Hesitating for a second, Chan didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. He remembered what Jisung had said the night before: “If you truly want to be there, I want you there.” Chan felt his heart seize up at the memory of his words; the way he’d seemed so genuine was somewhat endearing to the older boy. Jisung must trust him an awful lot, the way he’d opened up like that. So he decided to carefully and slowly scoop Jisung up from beside him and place him on his lap. He was so petite that it was quite easy, which Chan found fairly surprising. Jisung made a noise, halfway between a giggle and a yelp. Chan snaked his arms around Jisung’s waist to rest on his stomach and Jisung held his plush toy in the same way. 

“Sorry that sounded weird,” Jisung mumbled as Chan’s heart beat against his back. Chan shook his head and gave Jisung a comforting squeeze. 

“No, it was cute. You aren’t allowed to apologise today, okay baby?” The endearing pet name had slipped out, just feeling right in the moment. Jisung mustn’t have minded though, because he giggled again. 

“You’re good at this.” He smiled into his plushie, and Chan hummed happily. 

“Are you feeling it?” The question was so vague, but Jisung knew what he meant straight away.

“Yeah, it’s the same as with Minho.” 

“That’s good.” 

Both boys stared at the cartoon on the television for a few minutes, not really registering what was happening on screen, but just existing in the moment. Chan’s heart was fluttering slightly from his nerves. He really didn’t wanna mess this up. He thought about how scared and how upset Jisung had been through his breakdown yesterday. How helpless he had felt to be able to cater to what Jisung needed, no idea how to come to his aid. He’d been given a chance to really help him, and although it was in a way he was not quite expecting, the thought calmed him down, easing his busy mind.

“I…” Jisung started, his voice so soft Chan barely caught it. He squeezed Jisung’s stomach yet again, and put his head on Jisung’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay,” He whispered, again and again softly, repeating himself like a broken record in an attempt to make him feel at ease. He rubbed his back incessantly, hoping that it made Jisung feel comfortable.

More silence, but then Jisung turned himself around to cling onto Chan, nuzzling his head into Chan’s neck. Chan kept rubbing his back, holding him tightly.

“Channie warm.” A muffled voice escaped Jisung, his lips tickling Chan’s neck as he mumbled it. He sat Jisung up slowly, looking into his eyes. They seemed to shine with something that wasn’t tears, wasn’t his fatigue. He glanced up at Chan shyly, who gave a small nervous smile at the boy. 

“Channie warm? Sungie’s warmer!” He chuckled softly, and Jisung laughed at him, shaking his head. Chan had a strong feeling he’d regressed now; just looking at the way Jisung composed himself seemed different from his usual self. He was more reserved, shy, and his demeanour just seemed smaller.

“No, Channie.” He grinned, the sight making Chan smile. Jisung definitely seemed happier, and that was just more incentive for Chan to keep on babying him. He lifted Jisung’s shirt up ever so slightly and tickled his soft tummy. Of course, he got a reaction. The boy began to giggle again, pulling his shirt back down. 

“No!” He laughed, and his shyness started to melt away. Chan couldn’t help but realise how adorable he was like this, clinging to his stuffed toy in his arms and the carefree expression growing on his face. He hoped Jisung wouldn’t mind him thinking like this – he was meant to be helping him cope and focusing on his behaviour while he was regressed. He pointed to the animal in Jisung’s arms.

“Who’s this, Sungie?” His voice was slightly higher than usual, his tone more animated in an attempt to comfort him. Jisung looked at the toy he was holding, seeming to contemplate it.

“Is Jemy!” He exclaimed, and decided to hold him up for Chan to see. “Bear.” He said simply, pushing Jeremy towards Chan’s chest as an invitation to take him. Chan gently took the teddy. He remembered his plan to get Jisung to eat some food, wanting him to eat something after his exhaustive panic attack yesterday. 

“Does Jeremy want to join Sungie and Chan in the kitchen for some snacks?” He held the teddy up to face Jisung, who began to nod excessively. Chan stirred, handing Jeremy back to Jisung as he moved the boy aside to get up. He was about to offer a hand to support Jisung as he got up, but little Jisung had different plans. He sat on the couch with his arms outstretched in Chan’s direction, and Chan’s mouth dropped a little when he realised Jisung wanted to be carried. However, he didn’t dwell on it or he could have made Jisung hesitant and less willing to trust him. 

“Okay, up we go then.” He took Jisung in his arms, his legs wrapping around Chan’s waist and head resting on his chest. He was a little heavier than Chan first thought, but Chan managed to hold him securely and walk into the kitchen with the younger boy resting on his hip. Jisung started to grumble and whine after Chan set him down at the dining table, not wanting to be detached from him. Looking in the fridge, Chan ponders over what he can make for little Jisung. 

“How do you and Jeremy feel about grilled cheese?!” Chan didn’t want to keep him waiting to eat so anything for the oven was a pass and anything extravagant would take too long.

“Mmhm!” Jisung murmurs in agreement.

“Okay, a cheese toastie it is then!” Chan took the bread and cheese from the fridge, putting it on the bench and switching the grill on. He glanced over at Jisung as he prepared the sandwiches, and noticed he still seemed to be restless, not improving even at the prospect of food. He didn’t have much in the way of keeping Jisung entertained, no toys but his stuffed animal. Chan thought it over, and inspiration sparked.

“Sungie, wait there baby. Channie’s just gonna go get a present for you okay? Then we’ll have grilled cheese.” 

Chan rushed into his room, but he didn’t go to his own bed. He started rummaging through one of his roommates’ things, pushing aside the t-shirts and books. Seungmin wouldn’t miss it too much; probably wouldn’t even notice it was gone. 

Emerging from the room, he placed the little container of slime in front of Jisung, who was automatically intrigued at the prospect of something new being gifted to him. It was cheap stuff that Seungmin had bought absentmindedly at a dollar store, but it was enough to make Jisung interested. He began to poke at the jelly, giggling as if he’d never seen it before in his life. Chan beamed, returning to the sandwich grill. 

“Sungie help?” The boy asked inquisitively from his chair. Chan hesitated, shaking his head. “No, thank you for offering baby, but the grill’s very hot, I don’t want you to burn your fingers okay?” Jisung complied with a shy nod, and Chan finished plating up the toasties. 

Putting one down in front of Jisung and helping himself to his own, he was eager to get a bite but Jisung started to grumble.

“Wha ‘bout Jemy?” He complained, holding up the stuffed bear to Chan’s face like it was obvious he had forgotten the bear. Chan feigned embarrassment, his eyes wide and expression shocked. 

“Oh silly me, I didn’t get a plate for Jeremy! Would you share yours with him?” The young one seemed to ponder it for a moment, thinking it over before nodding. 

“Mmms. Sungie share.” He happily picked up one cut of the toastie, beginning to nibble on it. The boys sat and ate quietly, save for Jisung’s occasionally loud munching. When they both finished, Chan took the plates to the sink and picked Jisung up from his chair. He clung unto Chan instantly, humming happily as they retreated back to the living room. Letting Jisung down to the ground, Chan sat back on the couch. He watched as Jisung began to run around, circling the coffee table in middle of the room. He seemed to be releasing all of that stored up energy, racing around with Jeremy attached to his hand. He did this for a few minutes before he slowed and flopped down into Chan’s lap, clambering up to him. Chan wrapped his arms around the boy, squeezing him gently as Jisung relaxed into his embrace. 

“Sungie nap time.” He whined at Chan, pulling at his shirt. 

“Oh, it’s nap time already? You must have had a late night baby,” Chan felt tired himself, and he decided they could both nap on the couch. He laid down, and Jisung laid down on top of him, snuggling his head into Chan’s chest. Chan placed his hand on Jisung’s head, threading his fingers through his hair. Closing his eyes, he relished in the feeling of Jisung slowly drifting off on his chest, paying attention to their breathing patterns falling in line. And although Chan was meant to be looking over Jisung’s every move, he fell asleep within minutes, and both slept soundly into the mid-afternoon. It was the calmest sleep they’d both had in a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I wrote this okay lmao. It’s a bit longer than the first chapter but didn’t wanna rush Sungie’s regression so here we are! 
> 
> Expect this to be updated maybe every week depending on how busy I am – I am going into final exams in a month (so I might be having a brief hiatus for that time) but after that I’ll be free from school and have heaps of time to write. I gave this one a quicker update just to thank the people who enjoyed my first chapter :D thanks all!


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Chan noticed when he woke up was how cold it was. Before even opening his eyes, he was aware of Jisung’s absence. He rubbed his eyes, sleepily feeling around for his phone in the crevices of the couch. Looking at the time, he knew the rest of his team would be heading home soon, so he had to see if Jisung was still regressed and somehow convince him out of it. As he began to regain consciousness, he realised Jisung was sitting on the floor with his phone in hand, his hair hanging over his face as he looked down and scrolled mindlessly through Instagram. 

“Jisung?” Chan questioned, and the boy looked up at him. Chan gained the sense that Jisung wasn’t regressed anymore, and his suspicions were basically confirmed when Jisung spoke in his usual tone. 

“You slept for a while, Chan hyung,” Jisung laughed, looking up from his screen. “I woke up half an hour ago.” Chan yawned, stretching in an attempt to fully wake himself up. “You’re not…”

“Regressed?” Jisung finished, a little bit of discomfort in his voice. “No, not anymore.” Sitting up, Chan goes to tell Jisung all about his behaviour in this childlike state of mind, but he stops himself. He wants to ask a million questions about Jisung’s regression but refrains, wanting to hear Jisung’s pure honest opinion of the experience first.

“How’d you find it? Being fully honest - okay?” Jisung bites his lip, looking embarrassed and slightly hesitant to reply. 

“It honestly really felt nice,” Jisung admitted with the hint of a smile. “I do remember it all though, it was probably really stupid in your eyes.”

Chan sunk down to the floor with Jisung, shaking his head. “No, Jisung. You were… adorable.” Jisung looked even more embarrassed, but he was slightly smiling, which was an improvement. 

“Anyway, the main thing is: did it help you out, Sungie?”

“I… I think it did. I felt a lot happier in that state of mind. You were good at looking after me,” Jisung added, and Chan grinned. The fact that it was a positive experience for Jisung made him giddy with happiness, and his mind started buzzing with excitement. He hadn’t given it much thought, not wanting to automatically expect this to be an ongoing thing. He thought about all the things he could do to make the experience the best he could for Jisung, all of the activities they could do and the things he could buy… Chan had to stop himself getting excited for fear that he was more excited than Jisung at the prospect of him regressing again. 

“I would do it for you again,” he shrugged nonchalantly – a cool response conflicting the mess of his thoughts. “Take care of you.”

Jisung’s phone clicked as he locked it, bringing it down to look up at Chan. His eyes shone like glass, almost reflecting Chan’s figure in their brilliance. Chan struggled to read his expression, nervous to look directly at him, not knowing what he was about to say.

“I would like that.” Chan almost didn’t catch his words as they escaped his lips, half mumbled and half whispered. The boys just continued to stare at each other, an odd tension between them that didn’t seem to be awkward or uncomfortable. It was a feeling that Chan couldn’t quite put his finger on; perhaps a glimpse of promise - a resolution. Both revelled in the connection, an unspoken conversation between them. Chan had helped Jisung! He supposed that looking after a regressed Jisung would involve a little bit more work than making grilled cheese in the long term, but even Chan two days ago would do anything to make his members happy. A quick thought rushed through his mind – what would they all think? Sure, they would still love Jisung just as dearly no matter what, but he couldn’t help but worry that some of them might not understand this as willingly as Chan did. He was suddenly glad that he had been the one to comfort Jisung yesterday; where would they be now if he hadn’t?

“We should probably unlock that door, it’s quite suspicious.” Jisung laughed, breaking from the silence and glancing towards the hallway. Chan let out a chuckle himself, shaking his head with a grin as he stood up, offering a hand to Jisung.

“Don’t want to be carried around, do you?” He smirked down at Jisung, who blushed as he took Chan’s hands. 

“Only if you’re offering.” Chan picked him up by the waist, smiling as he felt Jisung’s stomach fluttering with laughter against his own as the boy held onto Chan. He let him down with a small puff; Jisung still laughing loudly. 

When the members arrived home to the dorm, there was no sign of what had taken place while they were gone. Chan and Jisung lay in Jisung’s bed now, both deeply engrossed in some nature documentary. They were curled up under a blanket when Jeongin’s head appeared in the door frame. As always, he bore a cheeky grin and his eyes sparkled as he caught sight of his roommate. 

“How was your day in, Sungie? Channie?” Jeongin smothered Jisung with a hug, making him drop the phone in his hand. “Mmfm,” came Jisung’s muffled reply as Chan shuffled over to make room for the youngest. 

“What’d you get up to?” He inquired, picking a bit of fluff from Jisung’s hair as he moved out of the embrace. Chan and Jisung shared a brief knowing look, simultaneously turning back to Jeongin as if rehearsed. 

“Not much,” they chorused. Jeongin seemed a bit off put by the automated response, but continued to make small talk with the boys and seemingly forgot about the mysterious synchronisation. Chan laughed and chatted away with his two friends, but his mind was far from the dark, cosy dorm room. He couldn’t help but think about Jisung’s regression and how he could help to make it a more comfortable experience. It was something that should have been quite trivial, but his mind was obsessed with this new world he had stumbled upon. It was his obsession with Jisung’s happiness that began to raise an alarm in his head about his own state of mind. Perhaps he was neglecting his own mental state, pouring his energy into helping Jisung.

He shook his head discreetly, dismissing the intrusive thought. He brought himself back to the room – the dark shapes of the furniture, the faint smell of Felix cooking something in the kitchen, the feeling of Jisung and Jeongin’s heads lying on his shoulders. He looked down at them. What wouldn’t he do for these boys?

It was later on, when the boys had eaten and retreated to their respective rooms, that Chan gestured to Jisung – quietly asking him to join him in the living room again. 

“Hey man, I just wanted to talk if that’s okay?” Chan said under his breath. 

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Jisung nodded.

They sat together on the lounge, making themselves comfy as Chan went straight to fiddling with Jisung’s hair. It seemed to calm them both down significantly, and the climbing tense atmosphere bubbled away. The view from the living room skylight revealed the dark night, with a full moon that accompanied the warm orange glow of a table lamp. Together, they illuminated the room nicely. The night sky was something that grounded Chan significantly. He often would tiptoe out of his dorm bedroom to sit out here when everything got too much, just starting at the window in the ceiling. He’d count the stars he could see in the little section of sky, try to decide what shapes the constellations made, then make a wish. Often the wish dealt with whatever he was struggling most with at the moment. Sometimes it was for the health of the members, for a strong comeback season, for his own deepest desires. He looked up at the stars now, making a silent prayer for Jisung’s strength and happiness. 

“I looked up more stuff about regression if that’s alright?” Chan offered a small smile, closed lips upturned. Jisung smiled back, which made Chan’s heart flutter with relief. He was so terrified of making the boy uncomfortable; he couldn’t let himself scare Jisung away when he had given up his trust so willingly. 

“Me too, kinda,” Jisung laughed softly, resting his head on Chan’s shoulder. Chan still continued to brush his fingers through Jisung’s hair.

“So like, I read about how a lot of people who regress call the regressed state of mind their headspace or littlespace? Did you read anything about that?”

Jisung nodded against Chan’s shoulder, making a humming noise which he took as an answer. 

“And so when you move into that it’s known as ‘slipping into headspace’- I think that was the phrasing…” Chan trailed off before reining his thoughts back in. “Do those words feel accurate for you?” 

Jisung considered it for a moment, the room falling into a complete silence. 

“Yeah, I get that. That’s kinda how it feels. Like when you made me feel safe and comfortable, it felt like you do when you sink into bed after a long day of school, or when you take your shoes off after training and step into thick carpet. Or maybe like a warm shower on a cool day. When you babied me-“

Jisung had to pause to laugh in embarrassment.

“-it just felt like that – slowly just feeling that weight lift and my heart growing warm.”

“I think when I do stuff like that it’s called talking you down or something.” Chan commented. “Kinda like forcing you into that headspace but in a much nicer way.” Jisung laughed quietly.

“Yeah.”

Silence fell again, and Chan looked back up through the skylight. He wondered if there was anyone else in Seoul that felt like Jisung and Chan; who was looking up at the same dark sky and hoping to find answers to this part of their lives that had been unlocked. 

“Chan…” Jisung started with a lump of nerves in his throat. 

“Mmm?” Came the reply.

“I guess it’s kind of implied already but just to be sure… I was wondering if you wanted to be my caregiver.” Chan had read about the terms people had used to describe themselves and the people looking after them when regressed. A caregiver would commit themselves to looking after their age regressor – tending to their every need. It involved being a more permanent carer whom the little could depend on and solely trust. It wasn’t a commitment to be taken lightly.

“Of course, Sungie.” He stopped playing with his hair, and instead hugged Jisung tight. Jisung at first gripped him as tightly before melting into the hug. Chan had to stop himself from smiling. Jisung laid back onto Chan’s lap with a sleepy expression painted on his face, looking up at Chan before closing his eyes.

“I’m kinda feeling little right now.” He murmured; his eyelids still firmly shut. Chan had locked the door already in case the other guys decided to walk in on their conversation, so there wasn’t any chance of being disturbed and scaring Jisung. 

“Okay. If you want to slip that’s fine.” Chan brought his hand down to Jisung’s cheek, cupping his face comfortingly. This time, Jisung must have felt more comfortable or perhaps more docile because within minutes Chan cradled the younger boy in his arms. He would make little bubbling noises every so often – seemingly much _much_ younger to the toddler Chan had seen this morning. It didn’t take long before he heard a faint snoring coming from Jisung’s lips. He contemplated carrying Jisung to bed, but when Chan thought about getting up his body refused. 

“No harm in just sleeping here,” Chan thought to himself. He adjusted himself slightly to take Jisung’s weight better, careful to support his head as he moved. When Jisung stopped snoring, Chan froze; afraid he’d caused the boy to stir from his sleep. But a few seconds later the soft wheezing continued, and Chan relaxed, looking at the kid in his arms.

Chan had always felt an obligation to care for Jisung, if he was being perfectly honest with himself. After taking Jisung under his wing as a trainee, Chan had started to pick up on the times Jisung’s frantic thoughts begun to severely impact his performance. Chan did his best to not single him out, but would attempt to offer him allusive hints of support. Whatever the problem, Jisung always managed to find a way through it himself. Chan worried that his method of recovery wouldn’t work forever, and didn’t want to have to witness the moment it didn’t work. He looked up to the stars again; glowing dots from millions of miles away, and wished hard. He wished that he could give Jisung and the rest of his team a safe haven to come to, and prayed that he could have the strength to support them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this update came later than planned! Was planning to get this chapter out earlier but stuff happened with a certain ex member of Stray Kids and also I graduated high school. I do have final exams in like 4 weeks but I'll still be working away at this fic :) Thanks for all your lovely comments, kudos and suggestions - it means a lot!


	4. Chapter 4

To put it simply, Jeongin was confused. Even then, confused might have been a bit of an overstatement. 

Concerned wasn’t the right word; he wasn’t really worried, he just couldn’t quite place why he was so caught up in Chan and Jisung’s odd behaviour. The things he noticed were so vague that he had to keep questioning if they were something he should be confused about at all.

Chan had briefly mentioned that Jisung hadn’t been doing too well recently, and so when he had asked to stay home to look after him on a day they all were meant to be going out together, Jeongin didn’t question it. Chan had always looked after them; they looked after him. It was to be expected that Chan would try and solve any problems any of the members had, so Jeongin wasn’t fazed by this sudden change in Chan’s schedule. It was when Jeongin turned back to return to the dorms after forgetting his camera that he began to gain a hint of something that wasn’t quite right. Approaching the door, he twisted the doorknob only to be met with resistance. The door was locked. He tried again, but to no avail. Jeongin hadn’t brought a key; they never locked the door when they had more than one person inside.

Obviously Jeongin was not going to overreact because of a locked door. It was out of place, but not outrageously alarming. One of the other boys could have locked the door behind them as they left. Maybe Chan and Jisung heard noises outside and panicked thinking someone was trying to break in. It could have been any perfectly normal reason. He knew Minho had a key with him, but by the time he caught up to them just to run back again? It wasn’t worth it. He’d pester to use Hyunjin’s good camera, or use his phone if he was desperate. But when he met up with the others and they asked him where his camera was, Jeongin felt the urge to just tell a little white lie instead of the truth. Maybe he was slightly embarrassed, or didn’t want the others to question the strange occurrence as he had, he didn’t know.

“Yeah, I couldn’t find it,” he shrugged. “I’ll have a better look when we get back.”

And Jeongin knew it had to have been Chan or Jisung who locked it because when they returned later that afternoon, Hyunjin swung it right open, and all the boys filed in.

Jeongin entered his room to see Chan and Jisung curled up together on Jisung’s bed. Jisung looked better than he had been over the last few days. He had more colour in his cheeks, giving him more of a healthy glow rather than sick paper-like skin. They looked like they could have been there for hours and hours, but one of them must have unlocked the door at some point. Why would they get up just to unlock the door?

“How was your day in, Sungie? Channie?” Jeongin inquisitively approached the boys, joining them in their bed, and hugging Jisung, who squirmed in Jeongin’s embrace. He joined the two boys on the bed, seeing them watching some movie on the laptop.

“What’d you get up to?” He hoped they weren’t too suspicious of why he was asking so much about their day. In complete synchronicity, Chan and Jisung looked up at Jeongin, and both spoke with an eerie robotic intonation.

“Not much.”

He frowned. That was definitely weird. In a normal situation, Jeongin would have forgotten about the door incident by tomorrow, but the air of secrecy that surrounded Chan and Jisung urged him to focus on it more. So when he heard Chan and Jisung’s muffled voices from the living room later that night he gently tried the door. Locked.

“They’re probably making out,” Hyunjin said matter-of-factly after Jeongin confided his thoughts in Hyunjin the next morning. He didn’t mean to discuss it with anyone, but Hyunjin came into the kitchen to Jeongin sitting with a deep frown on his face. It kinda just all spilled out. Jeongin wasn’t impressed with his succinct answer, scoffing slightly, but Hyunjin raised his eyebrows.

“Let’s just be honest! They’re close anyways, bring locked doors and sketchy secrecy into the mix and you have a hidden relationship.” Hyunjin flipped the bacon over in the pan.

“I don’t know,” Jeongin shook his head.

“Just ask, then.” When Jeongin looked mortified, Hyunjin rolled his eyes, brushing a strand of blonde hair out of his face.

“Not blatantly, silly. Just go see Chan maybe and ask if Jisung’s okay and get him to elaborate if he shuts it down.”

Jeongin had to admit; Hyunjin had said what he’d been thinking. Were Jisung and Chan dating? As much as he desperately wanted to know what was going on with them, he felt as if he was somehow violating their privacy. A deep part of him seemed to assume the worst, scared that there was something wrong that might jeopardise the group’s friendship. What if they had something against Jeongin specifically? What if he was misinterpreting this completely? His mind reeled over his options, telling him to stay silent one minute and the next yelling at him to satisfy the curiosity in his brain. 

Well, as they say, curiosity might have killed the cat, but Jeongin hoped that satisfaction would bring him back after he mortifyingly embarrassed himself. It was late when Jeongin approached Chan; closer to sunrise than sunset. Chan was still up as always. At the moment, he seemed to be captivated by a new track he was producing on his laptop. He nodded his head slightly to an inaudible beat, adjusting his headphones to seemingly hear things better. Seungmin, Minho and Hyunjin were asleep in the same room, so Jeongin drew nearer to Chan quietly. Not wanting to startle him, he stood awkwardly a metre or so away, hoping Chan would feel his presence nearby and notice him. Jeongin was right; Chan had a sixth sense and turned around to see Jeongin stood in front of him, somewhat expectantly.

He took off his headphones, softly putting them down, and quietly gestured to the hallway. Jeongin turned out of the room with Chan in close pursuit. Now in the hall, Chan’s eyes grew concerned and his tone a worried whisper.

“You okay, Innie?” Jeongin didn’t quite understand why he looked so uneasy. Jeongin tried to lighten himself up, thinking he’d perhaps grown too grave and serious when approaching the older boy. 

“Yeah, I just wanted to ask how Jisung’s going,” Jeongin attempted to be as nonchalant and indifferent as possible, but he still wanted Chan to think he was concerned for his friend. Then, he didn’t want to seem obsessed or like he’d been overly anxious about him every waking hour for the past few days. It was so difficult to convey all of this that Jeongin tried not to speak too much, hoping Chan couldn’t see right through him.

“Oh. Yeah, he’s doing better. We’re working together on trying to help him feel more upbeat again, I guess. I think it’s working.” He nods, the ghost of a smile on his face.

Jeongin nodded too, wondering if he should leave it at that. But he was too curious, and he pushed further.

“You and Jisung lock the doors a lot recently, when you’re alone. Is there something wrong?” 

Chan avoided Jeongin’s eyes uncomfortably, letting out a sigh. Scratching his head, he didn't exactly give Jeongin a straight answer, but it’s something.

“Listen, I think Jisung is the only one who can talk to you about it. It’s not really my place. Nothing’s wrong, Jeongin, I promise. I’ll tell Jisung you’re worried about him, and if he chooses to confide in you that’s great, I just don’t know if he’s ready.”

“Okay,” Jeongin said, not really sure how else to respond.

But when Jeongin and Chan went their separate ways and back to their respective rooms, Jeongin almost wished he hadn’t asked. Now he knew there was something going on, from what Chan said, but he had even more questions than before. He analysed Chan’s words. He’d said that nothing was wrong which pointed towards something positive. Maybe that was a sign of a relationship? But Chan placed a lot of emphasis on it being Jisung’s thing to divulge, which almost negated that idea. Jeongin rolled over in his bed. He supposed he had to trust in Chan and Jisung - Chan had said everything was okay. Jisung snored loudly from the other side of his room, and Jeongin chuckled a little, easing the rising tension in his stomach. He tried his best to shake the worried questions from his head, putting his earphones in for calm music to help him sleep.

It seemed that Chan and Jisung had discussed Chan’s little late night visit from Jeongin. When Jeongin saw the both of them the next morning, both immediately turned red, turning away from him. They both began to busy themselves with some kitchen chore; and Jeongin felt his voice quiver a little when he spoke. 

“Morning,” he said. Jeongin did not like the tension that seemed to cloud the room, embarrassment seeping in. Chan briefly looked up to acknowledge him, but it was short-lived. Jisung didn’t even give Jeongin a glance.

“Okay…” Jeongin coughed awkwardly, and Chan sighed, scratching his head. All that Jeongin could wonder was what this secret was that the two boys were rendered speechless and bashful. Jisung’s voice was as shaky as Jeongin’s when he spoke.

“I can explain if you want, but no matter what you think, Jeongin, please don’t tell the other members. If you don’t understand or it makes you uncomfortable it’s fine, just…”

Jisung trailed off, and Jeongin’s heart skipped a beat. He was pained at how nervous Jisung seemed. Did he feel pressured to tell Jeongin what was going on? He hoped not. He shouldn’t have followed Hyunjin’s advice, he should have just left it and not asked Chan. 

“Jisung, whatever it is, I promise I will not tell the other members.” Jeongin’s tone was sincere, and Jisung’s face softened a bit. Jeongin must have seemed genuine. “But,” Jeongin added, not wanting to get himself into strife, “If it’s something that might hurt others or is extremely illegal I might have to call the police.” He didn’t know if it was the right thing to say, but Chan and Jisung both chuckled lightly, and Jeongin let go of his held breath. 

“So to deal with my anxiety, my brain has this coping mechanism.” Jisung started. Jeongin noticed Chan had moved to put an arm around Jisung, giving a supporting squeeze whenever his voice faltered a little. It was actually quite sweet; how lucky he was to be friends with such caring people?

“It’s called age regression - to put it simply, sometimes when I’m really anxious my mind regresses into a kind of childlike state so I can regain a sense of safety and comfort I guess.” 

“Oh… that’s okay,” Jeongin trailed off. His slight reticence must have been misinterpreted by Jisung, whose face begun to fall, eyes darkening in embarrassment.

“That’s what it is, Chan’s been helping me figure it out, so now you know just please don’t let the other boys know-

“Oh, I didn’t... I’m not-“ Jeongin shook his head frantically stuttering. “I’m not upset at you or anything Jisung, I just wanna be here for you okay? I’m your ally here, yeah? I’m not very familiar with this age thing, but I’m not shutting you out.” Jeongin struggled with the words, but made an attempt to comfort Jisung again.

“It obviously is important to you, and if you ever need me to help out with whatever it is to take pressure off Chan I’m here to learn.” 

Jisung looked taken aback by what must have seemed like a very quick switch in perspective, his round eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Chan just looked touched.

“Thank you, Jeongin.” It was the only phrase that Jisung seemed to be able to find, looking to Chan for support.

Jeongin wasn’t always keen to show physical affection to the other boys, and he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, but he made his way towards Jisung. It wasn’t particularly because he was wanted to, but mostly it was because he didn’t know what else to do. Thankfully, Jisung opened his arms wide and the two hugged tightly.

Patting his back, Jeongin pulled away and gave Jisung an understanding nod, before leaving Chan and Jisung in the kitchen. Jeongin hadn’t known what to expect but it certainly hadn’t been that. He knew he’d be stuck in bed all day researching whatever this regressing thing was, doing his best to understand what Jisung was experiencing. Honestly, any of the boys would do the same if they were in Jeongin’s position. 

“But,” Jeongin had to remind himself, “they can’t do the same, because they aren’t allowed to know.” Jeongin thought of Hyunjin who he’d confided so effortlessly into yesterday, and how he’d be expecting an answer. Jeongin didn’t really want to straight out lie - he was planning on just stretching the truth or avoiding any conversations that might expose Jisung. But that would be so difficult…

Jeongin shook his head as he took his computer into his lap. Opening Google, he set his mind straight. He wouldn’t give away their secret that easily; Jisung, and Chan in some way, were counting on him to keep the secret. He typed ‘age regression’ into the search bar, hoping that whatever he found would be helpful to his two brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy that took a long time but guess what i finished high school and all those exams i mentioned - this took a long time bc i was only writing littttle chunks through study period hahaha but hopefully i’ll have more time to write more now! i hope you enjoyed the jeongin pov (can u tell im jeongin biased idk maybe maybe not hahah), 
> 
> the whole ff won’t be in chan pov but a majority of it probably will be, but lemme know at the end of a chapter if you are interested in the pov of a character - of course i would like to write only in that character’s pov for the chapter to maintain a fluid writing style so i might just stick to what i have planned for the ff, but obviously always open to suggestions!!


	5. Chapter 5

Chan knew exactly why Jeongin refused to leave with the others this morning, opting to stay home with him and Jisung.

He must have overheard Chan telling the other boys that Jisung was still ‘sick’. At first, Jeongin had pretended to be asleep but when Changbin came and shook him so hard that sleep would have been impossible, he moaned about a headache. 

“I hope I don’t get this sickness that’s going around…” Seungmin bit his lip as Felix absentmindedly massaged his shoulders, comforting his members before they went out to practice. Chan sat with them as they all tied their shoes up and prepared to head to the company. Jisung was still asleep, but he’d felt tense and upset before bed last night, so Chan promised him another little day if he’d gone to sleep early. 

“We have to just let them rest, Seungie,” Hyunjin said. “And also drink lots of herbal drinks. And wash our hands regularly.” 

With a scoff, Minho began to grin at the younger boy. 

“A bit paranoid aren’t we?” He dodged Hyunjin’s swipe and bounced up, shoes tied securely with a double knot. He wasn’t the most touchy feely friend, but he approached Chan with a soft and genuine expression, speaking at a volume that the other boys wouldn’t hear.

“Hey hyung, I just… you know you don’t have to be the only one looking out for Jisung, you know? It’s really nice that you’re looking after him while he’s sick like this, cause we want him to get better, but... one of us can stay home with him? Don’t feel like it’s your responsibility as the leader or anything okay?” 

Chan felt a pang of guilt for Minho. He’d be as covertly caring for every member in the group, but he’d always had a soft spot for Jisung. The two had a sense of humour that complimented each other so exquisitely, personalities that just made them inseparable. If soulmates could be best friends, which Chan certainly believed, these two would be connected by fate. He thought about Jisung’s memory of slipping a little with Minho, how safe Jisung must have felt… his heart sunk when he thought about how Minho probably felt the past few days. He must have thought Jisung didn’t feel as close to Minho as he felt to Jisung.

“I’ll keep it in mind. Hey, I appreciate it?” His intonation made it more of a question, but Minho just nodded. 

“He’s getting better, I think,” Chan offered some hope, and Minho seemed to take it. 

The rest of the boys were raring to go now, and Minho followed after them as they headed out, but not before imparting a timid smile in Chan’s direction. 

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Chan went straight to Jeongin’s room. Jisung was still soundly asleep in the other bed, but Jeongin was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. It had only been a few days since Jisung had decided to trust Jeongin with the knowledge of his age regression, but Chan knew that he was going to try and see little Jisung as soon as he could. 

“You’re unbelievable,” Chan whispers, rolling his eyes as the youngest grins, noticing his presence in the room.

“D’you think he’ll trust me hyung?” Jeongin asked excitedly. “As much as I’m curious, we want him to feel better so I’ll stay away if you think it’s best. But also I really want to help him.” 

Chan thought it over. Jisung hadn’t had a whole day of regressing since the first time he’d done it; they’d only had a few hours every so often, mostly at night. Jisung hadn’t had much chance to really explore his headspace outside sleepy babyspace since that day. It was too difficult to let him regress and run around and talk without making too much noise. But now they had a day again, and this time there was a whole other person who would be looking after him. It felt as new and terrifying as it did that first day. 

“I think he’ll like you - I think he might be shy at first though. He got comfortable with me quickly, so we’ll see.” Jeongin seemed slightly concerned, but he nodded anyway.

Both boys heard a whine come from the other side of the room; Jisung was waking up from what seemed like a very unpleasant sleep. He started to flail around, trapped in his blankets. His breathing grew heavy, each breath a desperate gasp for air. He flung upright, as if in one of those dreams where suddenly you feel like you’re falling and it gets all too real, where your body goes into a fight or flight response. It was obvious that he’d had a nightmare of some sort, and Chan immediately rushed to his side when tears began to stream from Jisung’s eyes. Wrapping his arms around the boy, he held him tight. It was a silent anxiety attack; one that was surrounded by the weary confusion of waking up, the dreary after effects of a nightmare. His body shook with tears, but his voice must have stopped working momentarily. 

As Chan comforted the boy, he turned briefly to look at Jeongin, who watched on with a tear in his own eye, probably deeply hurt at seeing his hyung so defenseless. Jeongin wouldn’t have seen him this bad before; they all knew he had anxiety but they hadn’t really ever seen him have attacks. To be perfectly honest, neither had Chan until a week or so ago. Chan rubbed Jisung’s back comfortingly, whispering words of affirmation in an attempt to calm Jisung down. He hadn’t noticed Jeongin yet.

“Channie…” He murmured, moving towards the older and holding him tight. Chan accepted him gratefully. 

“Can I be little?” Jisung mumbles, looking up at Chan, his eyes glassy and swollen red from the tears already. Chan’s heart melts at his asking for permission to slip, and he pats Jisung’s head, taking his cheek in his hand.

“Of course, you can, baby. You’re all safe now, I’m here and nothing’s gonna hurt you okay?” Chan had gotten used to calling Jisung by pet names like ‘baby’ and ‘sweetie’. It had come fairly naturally to him for some reason. Although now, with Jeongin in the room, he felt a wave of self-consciousness flood through him, face heating up in embarrassment. He tried to shake it off and pretend Jeongin wasn’t sitting right behind him, curious eyes boring into Chan’s back.

“Okay,” Jisung climbed into Chan’s lap, and Chan thought for a second he was gonna fall deep into babyspace again, but after giving Chan a tight squeeze, he shuffled back. 

“Sungie play with Channie again today?” His eyes were still teary, but wide and hopeful; and Chan thought this was the oldest he’d been in headspace.

“Yes, Sungie! We can do lots of things today. But I have another friend who wants to join us. Is it okay if he helps and plays with us too?”

Chan heard Jeongin awkwardly shift in his bed from behind him. Jisung looked shy, but gave Chan a timid thumbs up.

“Okay.” Chan was confidently satisfied with his reaction; it was good that he wasn’t so tiny when being introduced to Jeongin as a little for the first time.

“It’s Jeongin! He’s very excited to meet little Jisung and play with us!” Chan said with an animated grin, gesturing to the boy behind him.

Jeongin popped up, smiling in awe at the little, who was sitting on the bed, still somewhat intertwined with Chan.

“Hey, Ji!” Jeongin waved at Sungie, and Chan smiled at the nickname. 

“How old are you, little one?” It sounded awkward coming from Jeongin’s mouth, but his smile seemed to be convincing enough to Jisung who couldn’t quite grasp all the tones and emotions of human beings right now. Chan hadn’t ever asked how old Jisung was in headspace. He’d just supposed he didn’t need to; it was never at the forefront of his mind. It was because of this unusual question that Chan listened very intently to Jisung’s next words. Did Jisung have an idea of his own age?

“Ji is three years old!” He holds up three fingers triumphantly, waving them in Jeongin’s face. He’d obviously taken to Jeongin’s nickname well.

“Wow, such a big boy!” Jeongin laughed. “I hope it’s okay that I stayed here to play with you today.” Jisung seemed to consider this for a second, hiding timidly in Chan’s arms. 

“Mmmmhm.” Jisung decided. 

Jeongin sat back, satisfied with Jisung’s acceptance. Chan picked up Jisung, who automatically was comfortable enough to wrap his limbs around Chan’s frame, letting his face fall against Chan’s shoulder.

Chan heard Jeongin chuckle, and he joined in once he passed a mirror and realised what had been so amusing: Jisung’s cheek squished against Chan was so adorable. His quokka-like cheeks already were a standout in his appearance, but in this moment they were the main attraction. 

Chan and Jeongin made their way out to the lounge, hoping to find a bigger area for Jisung to play in. The two boys sat firmly on the couch, but little Jisung had other ideas. He sprung up, abandoning Chan when he spotted his beloved Jeremy. The bear sat on the floor, almost longingly looking at the energetic Jisung bounding towards him.

“Jemy! Channie! Jemy is going to play with us!” Jisung took the bear before turning back towards the two boys he had just left on the couch. He presented Jeremy to Jeongin, eyes bright and wide with sincerity.

“Jemy hasn’t met Innie yet,” Jeongin seemed to be touched that Jisung came straight to him, paying careful attention to what the boy had to say. Carefully peeling the bear from Jisung’s grasp, Jeongin acknowledged Jeremy with a small wave.

“Hi Jeremy!” Jeongin gave a small smile to the stuffed animal he held in his hand, before letting out a laugh. Looking fondly upon the scene, Chan grinned with him, relaxing into the lounge. Suddenly, Jeongin turns and starts tickling Jisung with Jeremy; on Jisung’s face, his arms, his tummy, his feet...

Jisung’s squeals of delight that echoed alongside Jeongin’s hearty laugh was a sound that Chan wanted to capture forever. He felt his heart grin, an ache that he only has when seeing the happiness of his boys. In these moments, Chan can’t help but feel grateful for his eight person family, a sense of pride in his team. Jeongin and Jisung’s happiness was contagious; and soon enough Chan joined in. He heaved Jisung up into his arms, bridal style. Jeongin stood up with him, still grinning ear to ear and tickling Jisung with the stuffed bear. The three of them continued laughing hysterically for minutes after, Jisung hiding his giggles in Chan’s chest. Chan and Jeongin occasionally caught sight of his rosy cheeks and squinty eyes, only making them smile wider.

Chan decided very quickly that having two caregivers was much more efficient than one. After Jisung calmed down, he expressed to Chan and Jeongin that he wanted to have a tea party today. Chan was tasked with preparing the cups and plates and setting up, while Jeongin sat with Jisung in the living room. He could hear the animated voices of the two boys coming from the next room, muffled but full of excitement. While Chan didn’t mind having to care for Jisung, it had been hard to have to leave him alone when getting things in another room - little Jisung got bored and upset very easily it seemed. Jeongin was a natural, and Chan was particularly grateful.

Chan entered back into the living room to see Jeongin sat on the floor back-hugging Jisung, who was also sitting on the floor.

“Channie-hyung! Innie-hyung! Is tea party time yet?” Jeongin shot up straight when he heard Jisung use honorifics for him, eyes wide and somewhat confused. Chan swore he saw him subconsciously sit up taller.

“Yeah Sungie! I gotta set up so close your eyes!” Chan laughed.

With a small giggle in reply, Jisung squeezed his eyes shut and Jeongin removed his arms from around Jisung’s stomach and covered his eyes.

“No peeking!” Jeongin whispered in his ear which made the little one squirm.

Chan put down a nice blanket on the coffee table as a tablecloth, before setting out the plates, spoons and mugs. He’d have to try and get some more child friendly things discreetly: especially if Jisung is younger than this sometimes. 

“Now Sungie, for this tea party we’re gonna have some big boy food. Is that okay?” Chan said, looking at Jisung whose eyes are still blinded by Jeongin’s hands.

“Yuh-huh.” He nodded, taking Jeongin’s hands along with the movement.

“You’ll love it though! On the count of three, you can open your eyes okay?” 

“Okay!”

“Three, two, one!”

The makeshift tea party table probably looked less than impressive to Jeongin and Chan, but Jisung seemed overjoyed.

“Cheesecake!” he exclaimed, squeezing Jeremy with excitement. Of course, Jisung was right. A small slice of cheesecake sat on four plates around the table, and a mug of cool, icy strawberry milk accompanied each plate. Chan didn’t forget Jeremy this time.

Jisung collapsed into Chan’s arms; Chan now on the floor with the other two. 

“Thank you appa,” he mumbles, hugging Chan gratefully and burying his head in Chan’s sweater.

Chan and Jeongin began to have an unspoken conversation, conveying everything they wanted to say at the speed of light through expressive eye contact. In Chan’s mind, it went something like this.

“He just called you appa!”  
“He just called me appa!” 

“Oh my god,” Jeongin mouthed, his dumbfounded expression having a hint of endearment behind it.

“I know,” Chan simply mouthed back, before Jisung retreated from Chan’s chest and joined the new table, grabbing his spoon with a firm fist. He began to attack his cheesecake slice, and Jeongin and Chan decided to do the same.

They sat in mostly comfortable silence through the tea session, which wasn’t really a tea party, more of a strawberry-milk-in-mugs kind of party. It was only until Jisung piped up with a fairly innocent question.

“I want Minho-hyung ‘n Felix-hyung ‘n Hyunjin-hyung n’ all hyungs to come party! When they gon’ come, Innie-hyung?”

Chan and Jeongin exchanged yet another silent glance, but this time both of their faces fell slightly. Even Jeongin’s eyes fell, slipping down to the little bit of cheesecake left on his plate.

“Soon, Ji,” Jeongin gave a stout nod, accompanied by a sad, bittersweet smile. “Hopefully very soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed!!
> 
> also i have a question! if i was to update a chapter i’ve already posted and edit it, do you get a notification in your emails (if u bookmarked the work)? basically i wanna know if i edited a chapter ten times would it send like 10 emails to say i updated a chapter or something, cause i always miss little mistakes and im bad and dont proofread hahah and also i have a habit of changing tense sometimes so i wanna be able to correct that later but somewhat discreetly lol thanks for reading :)


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